Hat tip Mangus!

A LITTLE PANDEMIC HUMOR TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY.

 

I hope they give us two weeks notice before sending us back out into the real world.  I think we'll all need the time to become ourselves again.  And by "ourselves" I mean losing 10 pounds, cut our hair and get used to not drinking at 9:00 am!

 

New monthly budget:  Gas $0  Entertainment $0  Clothes $0   Groceries $2,799.

 

Breaking News:  Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.  Not so  much to stop COVI-19, but to stop eating.

 

Low maintenance chicks are having their moment right now.  We don't have nails to file and paint, roots to dye, eyelashes to re-mink, and are thrilled not to have to get dressed every day.  I have been training for this moment my entire life!

 

 When this quarantine is over, let's not tell some people.

 

 I stepped on my scale this morning.  It said "Please practice social distancing.  Only one person at a time."

 

 Not to brag, but I haven't been late to anything in over 3 weeks.

 

 It may take a village to raise a child but I swear its going to take a vineyard to home school one.

 

 I wanted zombies and anarchy.  Instead we got working from home and toilet paper shortages.  Worst. Apocalypse. Ever.

 

 You know those car commercials where its the only vehicle on the road - doesn't seem so unrealistic these days ...

 

 They can open things up next month, I'm staying in until June to see what happens to you all first.

 

 Day 27:  The garbage man placed an AA flyer on my recycling bin.

 

 The spread of Covid-19 is based on two things:  

1. How dense the population is.

 2. How dense the population is

 

Appropriate analogy: "The curve is flattening we can start lifting restrictions now" = "The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, we can take it off now".

 

People keep asking "Is coronavirus REALLY all that serious?"  Listen y'all the casinos and churches are closed.  When heaven and hell agree on the same thing it's probably pretty serious.

 

Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.

 

Homeschool Day 1:  I'm trying to figure out how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.

 

Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a pub crawl.

 

Okay the schools are closed.  So do we drop the kids off at the teacher's house or what?

 

Remember when we were little and we had underwear that had the days of the week on them?  Yah .. that would be helpful about now.

 

For the second part of this quarantine do we have to stay with the same family or will they relocate us?  Asking for myself ...

 

Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs.  We wander around the house looking for food.  We get told "No" if we get too close to strangers and we get really excited about going for walks and car rides.

 

The dumbest thing I've ever bought was a 2020 planner ...

 

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 The spread of Covid-19 is based on two things:  . . . . actually three

1. How dense the population is.

2. How dense the population is

3. Whether State Governor's and Mayors are Red or Blue; i.e. "dense", or not.

Current research is showing that an individual low in Vitamin D is more susceptible to Covid-19.  Blue state solution is to lock folks in their homes while Red state solution is to encourage outdoor life in the sun AND work. 

Vitamin D is "manufactured" by the sun's conversion of an individual's cholesterol.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/05/200507121353.htm

Need a little humor after all the dems and China have put us through.

Many of us who remember the '40, '50s and part of the '60s remember what it was like to stay home a lot.  We didn't have money to go anywhere.Cars were not as plentiful and the bus had to suffice.  Thank heaven we had neighbors and friends close by.  I remember my mom playing softball with my older brothers and sisters in the middle of the street by our apartment building.  When my dad had a car, we and the upstairs neighbors and their kids went on a picnic.

For the most part you stayed hojme, played cards, or listen to the serials on radio.

Nice share!

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